Coming clean

Hello. My name is Nancie and I am yo-yo dieter.
This is the part where you say "hello Nancie."
A while back you might remember that I posted about going on (yet another) diet. As usual, it lasted about 3 days and I was back to my bad habits again.
I haven't always been fat and out of shape. Of course I wasn't the skinny bitch either. Underneath all this blubber is a strong, athletic, sexy woman. My ideal body is a curvy size 10. Currently I am between a size 18 and 20. The only curves I have are rolls. I am plus size. Obese.
Growing up I had a pool and lived in it in the summertime. I never had to watch what I ate cause somehow I burned it off. Skateboarding. Biking. Roller skating. Softball. I was even on the track team.
Right now I couldn't walk a brisk mile without getting light headed and borderline passing out. I have a sedentary job and have neglected myself for too dang long. I feed my body too much processed crap and I'm the heaviest I have EVER been (even pregnant). It's not funny anymore. It's disgusting. My back hurts almost all the time. I can't go up a flight of stairs without being out of breath. I have no energy. I have become this person I SWORE I never would. I have disappointed myself. For the last time.
January 1st will be the beginning of my journey. My journey to the real me. My journey to health and mental well being. I don't care how long it takes. This fat suit is coming off. I know it wont happen over night. I'm in it for the long haul.
If you want to support me, I would greatly appreciate it. This is what I'm doing: http://www.transformation.com I've done it before and I know I can do it again.
I'm not doing it for the money. I'm doing it for me. For my kids. For my (someday) grand kids.
I'm doing it so that I can be a better mom. A better friend. A better wife. A better me.

Merry Christmas to all...

May your holidays be peaceful, and my wish for you and your families; a safe, healthy and prosperous new year!

Movie review time

I resisted the urge to go see The Day the Earth Stood Still without my husband today. See, I'm considerate that way.
So the kids and I went to see Bolt instead. My teenage daughter had already seen it once with her friends, and since she was so willing to go see it again, I figured it must be pretty good.
It was cute, but I'm thinking it could have waited for video. However it was a nice way to spend time with each other and stay out of the cold. My other option was to stay home to clean and bark at the kids to help out. Who wants to do THAT on a Sunday??
I guess we could have went to church... BWAHAHAHA! Ok. I'm going to hell.
Seriously now. Even though it's closer, I'm still protesting Stadium 8. I know, I know. All Westates are owned by the same person. But I have my reasons for protesting this particular theater. It's dirty. It's unkept. The staff is incompetent. I could go on.
We went to the new theater behind the mall again. There were a total of 6 people in the theater. Including us. The popcorn was cold. This "Free drink and popcorn" if you donate a can of food crap was a joke. It's for a kid sized popcorn OR drink. What the hell did I expect? I donated our canned food anyway and bought the large combo. At least the movie was uninterupted.

A few of my favorite things...

Why is this song only played at Christmastime?
Here are a few of my favorite things. At least this time of year. Which IS most wonderful. If we chose it to be...
White snow and Christmas lights. Making snowmen. Having snowball fights. Sledding. Crashing and laughing our asses off. Nice people in the holiday spirit. Christmas parties. Bonuses. Sub for Santa. Food drives for the less fortunate. Giving.
Now, when people get trampled and killed on black Friday to save a buck or two, when my husband is being a Scrooge, when the snow is plowed making everything dirty, when my nose hair freezes as well as the roads, when people are laid off from their jobs...
I simply remember my favorite things and then I don't feeeeeeel (dramatic pause) so bad.
It is now10am on Saturday the 13th and it hasn't stopped snowing. The roads have not been plowed yet so I'm stuck at home. I'm going to miss my nail appointment. We don't have any hot cocoa. This is VERY inconvenient. I have too much to do today to be stuck at home. My daughter has a birthday party to attend across town at 2pm. We have a Christmas party tonight which I am not ready for AT ALL. I'm going back to bed. That is DEFINITELY my VERY favorite thing these days.

Spreading the love...

help us help hungry peeps

WHAT: Cache Valley Illuminati food drive
WHERE: Macey’s in Providence, Utah (near the front door)
WHEN: Friday, Dec. 5 from 4-6 pm
WHY: Because you love me, or you care about other human beings, or you are on Santa’s naughty list and need to redeem yourself. You really don’t need a reason. Just come!

Ever want to meet a member of the Cache Valley Illuminati? TODAY IS THE DAY! Just come down to Macey’s in Providence between 4 and 6 pm today for your chance. I'm not officially a member of the Illuminati (yet) but I'm going anyway to help out and show support.

Jess and Brigitte from SHSNE will be there to sign autographs. We even might get Tyler Riggs to sign a few. I'll sign an autograph if you want. I'll even do body parts.

SPECIAL TREAT! Tyler Riggs from KVNU For the People, and also an Illuminati member, will be broadcasting his show live from Macey’s. I may even get on to say a few words. I may have to. Maybe I should have a drink or two. I get awful stage fright.

Come on down. Say hello. Eat at Macey's deli. It rocks. It's for a good cause. All we are asking for is a can of food to help the less fortunate this Christmas. It's not much. We’ll be wearing santa hats and reindeer horns (and hopefully other clothes).

see you there!

MOVIE REVIEW TIME

We went and saw Twilight on Thanksgiving day. It was my daughters 2nd time seeing it, 1st time for the rest of us.
We did our traditional Thanksgiving dinner early (11:30) at Angies (which was wonderful BTW and THANK YOU ANGIES!!!) then to the movie. Because this movie has been sold out since it came out in theaters, I thought it wise we buy our tickets early-before we went to lunch/dinner. Low and behold, we were seated and served Thanksgiving dinner in record time and were able catch the earlier showing which was DEAD.
The movie itself was great. Fairly true to the book. I give it 4 out of 5 stars. Only because I thought the love scenes were a little long and sappy.
If you go, bring a can of food and get free drink or popcorn!

...an episode of thanks

This will be my last post for November, so I apologize for it's length.
I was watching Little House on the Prairie last night. NO SNICKERING.
I love this show. To quote Hyde from That 70's show, "It reminds me of simpler times". It conjures up emotions in me that I thought were long dead and buried. I usually always have a good cry. Damn you Michael Landon! Why did you have to be such a great actor!?!?!?
This particular episode Mary has some sort of accident with the horses and becomes ill with an internal infection of sorts and they have to go to the "big city" for her to get treatment beyond Dr. Baker's knowledge. This makes me thankful for local hospitals and medical professionals.
Pa goes to the bank to get a loan for the long trip but the bank is closed. This makes me grateful for checks, debit cards and ATM machines.
He then hears singing coming from the one and only local church house up the street. It's not Sunday. He goes to check it out and they are passing around the collection plate. It comes to him and he starts to put in a donation and the preacher tells him "I'm sorry Charles, but we can't accept your donation today." Laura comes up to him and says "It's for Mary, Pa." Of course tears well up in his eyes. I lose it. This makes me thankful for loving, caring, generous people in the world and churches for them to congregate to.
They take their horse driven wagon on a bumpy dirt road to the train station. Mary is lying in the back of the wagon all bundled up. It takes them over a day to get where they need to. This made me thankful for paved roads, enclosed cars with heat and a/c and airplanes.
They get to the specialty hospital and the doctor examines Mary and determines she needs an operation. The doctor sends Pa to talk to the financier before they can operate. They barely have enough cash to pay the guy (who is a total jerk). This makes me thankful for the right to medical treatment, credit and bedside mannerisms.
The operation is successful so Ma and Pa go out to dinner and celebrate. Only to come back to find out Mary has a fever and her condition has worsened. Mary needs another operation to remove the infected tissue. This makes me thankful for modern medicine.
They have no money left and the finance guy is still being a total ass. I'm guessing in the continued part of this episode he will learn a lesson in compassion. This makes me thankful for KARMA.
Pa then treks back home to sell the farm and everything they own to pay for Mary's medical bill now racking up. He barely makes the next train and sees a posting for jobs with the railroad at the train station. He takes the flier. This makes me thankful for advertisement.
Pa gets home and goes to the bank only to discover that the banker has closed up shop for good due to the economy. This makes me thankful for our mostly reliable financial institutions.
Desperate, Pa goes to the local mill and asks the owner to buy his farm. The owner can not afford to buy the farm but he does loan Pa enough money to get back on the train to go get a job with the railroad. Pa's friend decides to go with him and says "two incomes are better than one". Pa graciously accepts and they wave good-bye to their families and head off on foot. This makes me thankful for friends.
This episode is to be continued for another day. I actually had the pleasure of seeing Melissa Gilbert at a restaurant in SLC once. She is SO much prettier in person. This makes me thankful that there is hope for my kids to grow out of their goofy stage.
Happy Thanksgiving to my readers and I hope you have a lot of things to be thankful for. Even if it's the small things.

...Quizzo

Quizzo is a trivia game hosted by Harry every Wednesday night at the White Owl bar here in town. This week we played last night instead of Wednesday because of Thanksgiving. We play in teams and the prizes are dinner/food at the Owl. Most of the time we win. Last night was no exception. We have a pretty good team and everyone contributes SOMETHING. Some more than others. I love it because it's an opportunity to be social. I am thankful to get to spend time with our friends this one night a week. THANKS GUYS!!! And girls...I missed you last night!!!

...bloggers

I stole this from my BFF over at seehearspeaknoevil.com who in turn stole it from

theartofoverthinking.blogspot.com Play along if you wish. I would love to hear your names!!!

1. WITNESS PROTECTION NAME: (mother’s & father’s middle names)
Charlotte Dean (now you know how to find me in case I turn you in)

2. NASCAR NAME: (first name of your mother’s dad, father’s dad)
Ralph Paul

3. STAR WARS NAME: (the first 2 letters of your last name, first 4 letters of your first name)
Genanc (how the heck do you pronounce that?)

4. DETECTIVE NAME: (favorite color, favorite animal)
Violet Canine (Purple puppy didn't sound professional enough)

5. SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name, city where you live)
Rochelle Providence (yes. my middle name is Rochelle. Laugh and I'll sick Ahmed the dead terrorist on your ass)

6. SUPERHERO NAME: (2nd favorite color, favorite alcoholic drink, optionally add “THE” to the beginning)
The Red MaiTai (If I used my other favorite alcoholic drink I would have to be The TOPLESS RED JAGERMEISTER-not so super)

7. FLY NAME: (first 2 letters of 1st name, last 2 letters of your last name)
Not sure what a "Fly name" is exactly..but whatever. Mine is Nard. Funny Shiz.

8. GANGSTA NAME: (favorite ice cream flavor, favorite cookie):
Cherry Chocolate Chip Oreo. But I prefer 3CO please.

9. ROCK STAR NAME: (current pet’s name, current street name)
Milo North

10. PORN NAME: (1st pet, street you grew up on)
This one is hilarious. Who thinks up this crap anyway???

Sassy Oak Park

get it? Park your Oak here baby. I'm SASSY! LMAO

...FRIDAYS!!!

TGIF Y'all!

...Mark

...the photo expert at my work. See photo at right. Don't I look thrilled? Apparently this is my "serious" look. I remember vaguely Mark saying "OK, look serious" cause I could not manage to stop smiling. And those are rubber snakes in my wig/hair by the way.

...Milo

Dave and I aren't having any more kids together. Mostly because he's been neutered (Dave not Milo) and I can't find anyone to naturally donate to my cause.
So the next best thing came along. I think he has my cuteness factor but extremely hairy like Dave. And he came house trained! How can you resist unconditional love like this??? He's the little brother Dawson always wanted.

...My mother-in-law

I know this comes as a shock. Granted my mother-in-law can make me crazy. She makes all who know her crazy. But all and all I could have it a lot worse. She means well. She loves her boys. She loves her grandkids and great grandkids. She would give you the shirt off her back. She has ALWAYS been there for us when we needed her, and I love her for that. She has had a pretty damn rough life. It's amazing she has survived unscathed. Somewhat anyway.

...MACEYS FOOD AND DRUG

It's clean. It's convenient. And their deli food is AWESOME! and don't forget their kick ass mini shopping carts. Makes Dave feel like Mario Andrade to zoom around the MAC's. (Mormon Assault Carts). You know. The ones that look like cars.

...Alcohol

More specifically, the drinking kind. I need some. and I'm not talking mere beer either. I'm talking the hard stuff. Today has been one of THOSE days...

...Laughter

It makes the day go by faster at work! http://roflrazzi.com

...The interwebz

I get to keep in touch with family without having to actually talk to them or run up a phone bill.
It makes me smarter. I learn something new every day.
I get to surf when I'm bored.
I get to shop when I'm bored.
I get to blog when I'm bored.
I get to read other blogs when...well you get the picture.

...TEACHERS

These poor underpaid and under-appreciated souls. I got this voice mail message the other day. Here it is word for word. Names have been withheld to protect the innocent. Notice I didn't withhold my son's name. (These are my personal comments)
"Hello. This is Mrs. ___ from __ elementary and I'm calling regarding Dawson..."
(My first thought was: Oh boy. he's sick and I have to go get him from school )
"...He was involved in a big pine cone fight this morning with a whole bunch of other 5th graders."
(I couldn't help but roll my eyes and chuckle a bit. BOYS. He's 10 by the way. )
"...And It started out as this kind of a fun thing, but it turned dangerous and students were getting hit in the head and in the eyes and it's definitely against our school rules to behave and be responsible."
(I assume she meant the opposite ?!)
"...So he and the other students all came down to the refocus room and I talked to them about being safe and following the rules and they will be spending their lunch recess in the refocus."
(For those of you who don't know WTF refocus is, it's the PC version of detention.)
"...It's our policy to notify the parents any time the kids are sent to refocus, and I hope Dawson doesn't have to come to refocus again. He's a good kid. If you have any questions feel free to call me at ___."
So Dawson's version of this story went something like this:
"I got off the bus and ___ pegged me right in the face with a pine cone. So I just started throwing them back and then a bunch of kids started a pine cone war."
It will forever be referenced as "The great pine cone war of 2008" now.

...Thrift Stores

I was never much of a thrift store shopper prior to living in Utah and discovering D.I. (aka Deseret Industries, aka the mormon thrift store). Of course I have also discovered other thrift stores to shop and find treasures at. I also love the fact I can donate/recycle stuff. The reason I am so thankful is they save me money. I'll bet most of my closet is supplied by second hand clothing. I get more compliments on these pieces than my new stuff. Of course there are things I would never buy second hand...but I have found numerous items with the store tags still attached. I even found $10/plate Dillard's china for 75 cents a plate. BARGAIN!

...for seehearspeaknoevil.com

They inspired me to create my own blog. Of course I don't have nearly as many readers as they do, but it's still a great creative outlet for me. Today's post was this cool, scarily accurate quiz. Here's my results and at the bottom is the website if you want to take it too.

Your result for Are You a Jackie or a Marilyn? Or Someone Else? Mad Men-era Female Icon Quiz...

You Are a Katharine! (I'd like to think I'm as beautiful as her too)

You are a Katharine -- "I am happy and open to new things"

Katharines are energetic, lively, and optimistic. They want to contribute to the world.

How to Get Along with Me

• * Engage with me in stimulating conversation and laughter.


• * Appreciate my grand visions and listen to my stories.


• * Don't try to change my style. Accept me the way I am.


• * Be responsible for youself. I dislike clingy or needy people.


• * Don't tell me what to do.

What I Like About Being a Katharine

• * being optimistic and not letting life's troubles get me down


• * being spontaneous and free-spirited


• * being outspoken and outrageous. It's part of the fun.


• * being generous and trying to make the world a better place


• * having the guts to take risks and to try exciting adventures


• * having such varied interests and abilities

What's Hard About Being a Katharine

• * not having enough time to do all the things I want


• * not completing things I start


• * not being able to profit from the benefits that come from specializing; not making a commitment to a career


• * having a tendency to be ungrounded; getting lost in plans or fantasies


• * feeling confined when I'm in a one-to-one relationship

Katharines as Children Often

• * are action oriented and adventuresome


• * drum up excitement


• * prefer being with other children to being alone


• * finesse their way around adults


• * dream of the freedom they'll have when they grow up

Katharines as Parents

• * are often enthusiastic and generous


• * want their children to be exposed to many adventures in life


• * may be too busy with their own activities to be attentive

Take Are You a Jackie or a Marilyn? Or Someone Else? Mad Men-era Female Icon Quiz at HelloQuizzy

...for the weekends

I am thankful to have a break every once in a while. I think we take advantage of this small luxury. A lot of cultures work 7 days a week. All work and no play makes Nan a dull bitch.

..for paydays

my mantra is "happiness is just a paycheck away". I may put it on a sign and sell it someday. Please don't take my idea. I need the money.

...my husband

He drives me crazy. Good and bad crazy. He lets me tease him endlessly. Ok. Maybe not endlessly. He puts up with me. He does laundry. Most importantly, he makes me laugh. And I think he loves me almost as much as I love him. Most days that is.

...My job

I work for a company that is very profitable, is growing and has great opportunity. I am grateful for a decent income that allows us to live comfortably. I am thankful for the fun people I get to work with everyday that do not make it dreadful to go to work every day. I am very fortunate to have a rockin' boss who is kind, understanding, flexible, patient and grateful. I pity the fool that has to work outside in the severe cold or heat. I am thankful that it is low stress. I am pretty spoiled.

I AM THANKFUL TO BE AN AMERICAN

I am thankful there are people willing to to fight and give their lives for our continued freedom.
I am thankful that we have freedom of speech.
I am thankful that we have rights.
I am thankful that we have laws and order and justice.
I am mostly thankful that I have the option to vote.
I HAVE NEVER VOTED.
Why? you wonder. Because ignorant people should not be allowed to vote. I think to vote you should have to take a pretest of sorts that questions your knowledge of the items you are voting on. If you do not score 100% then you don't get to vote. A lot of people vote because it's their right but have NO idea what they are voting for. How many of you go to vote and just pick whatever because you did not know about the issue at hand? Just because you can doesn't mean you should. And if your going to do it, educate yourself!
I have never been very political. And if I don't understand it, I do not feel I can make an educated decision. I'm all about fairness. It wouldn't be fair to this great country we live in if I went in to vote all willy nilly and screwed up the whole damn thing.
Surely I could do more research and educate myself on the issues. However. A lot of things just piss me off. Like the fact that neither presidential candidate is appealing to me to be able to run this country. Like the fact that we have to even consider whether or not to leave undeveloped land. Like the fact that people feel they have the right to dictate whether homosexuals have the right to get married or not. These issues piss me off. Therefore, I chose to exercise my right NOT to vote.
It's my right. If you don't like it. Too bad. Next election proposition for mandatory voting. While your at it put a microchip in me and a barcode on the back of my right hand.

I AM THANKFUL FOR...

This month I am going to try and post every day about something I am thankful for. Today I am thankful that Daylight Saving time changed over the weekend so I don't have to get up in the dark to go to work. YAY!

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

Dave is Perseus and I am Medusa. Ariana is going as a Gothic fairy and Dawson is the creature from the black lagoon. I'll try to post pictures at some point. I hope all my faithful readers have a good one!

Restaurant Review time

Dave and I are excited that some new eateries will be coming in along with the new Walmart on the south side of town. Today we decided to try out the Bajio Mexican Grill at lunch. It is much like Cafe Rio and Costa Vida. I ordered the enchilada and basically my tin was full of rice, overly salty beans and one itty bitty torilla filled with about 2 oz of sweet pork and toppings of my choice. I got fresh salsa, cilantro, sour cream, cheese and a side of lime. I did not get the guacamole as it was 80 cents extra. 80 cents for a spoon full of guacamole! You see where I'm going here.
Dave had a chicken burrito supreme of sorts, rice and the salty beans as well. I had a bite of his and the chicken was dry. With drinks and tax our bill came to $19.85 Needless to say, we scratched Bajio off our list of eatery choices in the valley. The positive-it was fast. It's also conveniently located in the old Macey's new strip mall. Although I don't foresee us going back again, they were fairly busy. Dave and I wondered what will come in once they go out of business. Maybe the Walmart traffic can keep them afloat. Time will tell.

DAD: M.I.A.

We only have one car. The upside of this is we don't have a lot of auto expenses. The downside is it can be a pain in the ass sometimes. It requires a lot of planning and I drive everyone around more than I would like.
So yesterday 6pm rolls around and I'm taking a siesta when I hear the phone ring. I knew it was Dave calling for his taxi home from work. Sometimes he walks. Weather permitting and if he has proper footwear. We only live a mile from his work.
Dawson comes running up the stairs and says "Dad told me to give you a message to come get him at work". I was already getting dressed. I went potty and washed up and took a quick glance in the mirror to make sure I was presentable and headed out the door. The kids were planted on the couch watching the boob tube and I told them "I'll be right back, just going to get dad from work".
So I get to NDT and wait. I forgot my cell phone. Surely Dave would come out to check to see if I was there. I thought he must have decided to walk home and I was sitting like a fool in the parking lot waiting for him. I couldn't go in and look for him because the doors lock after 6pm. I got impatient after 20 minutes and went back home. Here is the conversation that occurred when I got home.
Dawson: "Where did you go mom?"
Me: "Is your dad here?"
Dawson: "No. He called like 100 times".
Me: "I looked right at BOTH of you and said 'I'm going to go get dad from work I'll be right back. did you tell him I was on my way??'
Dawson: "I thought maybe you decided to go shopping instead."
Me: "Yea. I was on my way to pick up your dad from work and thought to myself. I think I'll go shopping instead".
Dawson: "Well I didn't know!"
WTF?? Something is seriously wrong with our children. I called Dave and after bantering about whose fault it was that he was now walking home (apparently mine since I forgot my cell phone to call him when I got there) I started making dinner. Note to self. ALWAYS take cell phone. Maybe next time I WILL go shopping instead.

WHERE'S MY STUFF???

At the first of October I ordered some books from Amazon dot com. One of the books I ordered was "used" and received within days of my payment clearing. However, I find it odd that this was a library book. Should I call the library listed inside the book and see if it's hot? I mean, it does have a big red "checked out" stamp on the front cover. I just find it a bit odd since it's a fairly new book. The other half of my shipment left Colorado on the 15th and went all the way to Florida and back to Colorado. There it sits. I emailed Amazon's customer service but have not received a response yet. SO. WHERE'S MY STUFF!?!?!

Holidays

So once again the holidays are sneaking up on us. This time of year is especially depressing for me because we have no family close by to spend it with. Ok. Let me rephrase that. We have no family WE LIKE close by to spend it with. I'm not sure exactly why it depresses me. When we DID live closer to family all they did was fight over us and make us feel rotten because we spent more time with the in-laws. Unfortunately we cannot afford to fly out to California to see them. We have done our part to invite them to come see us. I mean, who wouldn't want to spend a white Christmas in Utah?? Maybe because I've whined too much about the cold. That could be what scared them off.

Four distinct seasons my...!

So when we were deciding 14 years ago between Utah and Seattle to relocate to, the appealing thing about Utah was "four distinct seasons" as opposed to 37 inches of rain per year in Seattle. Oh yea. Cost of living was a big factor as well. All I have to say to that is Pblllllt! What happened to Spring and Fall??? Seems to me like it's 80% winter, 10% Summer and 10% anything and everything else!

Dear Winter,

Please go away for another month or so. I did not get my share of Fall weather to enjoy. I don't want to get sick and/or deal with sick kids yet. I don't want to bundle up everyday. I don't want to have to run my heater 24/7 yet. I'm not ready to switch back from iced coffee to hot. So, I beg you please. Go away. At least until November. Thank you for your cooperation in this matter.

APPARENTLY...

The internet knows me better than I do because this description is DEAD ON!

LIBRA - The Harmonizer ~ my official Roller Derby handle
(Sept 23 - Oct 22) ~ mark your calendars dammit! It's September 27th
Nice to everyone they meet ~ especially if there is Jager involved
Can't make up their mind ~ I can so. ok, no I can't. sometimes I can.
Have own unique appeal ~ too bad this doesn't apply to RICH men
Creative, energetic, and very social ~ it's all a facade
Hates to be alone ~ especially if I'm getting a massage-wink wink
Peaceful, generous ~ as opposed to noisy and selfish
Very loving and beautiful ~ AW! Thank you!
Flirtatious ~ don't forget attention hog
Gives in too easily ~ only if there is chocolate involved. Who am I kidding? ANY food...
Procrastinators ~ If it gets done AT ALL it's a miracle
Very gullible ~ I prefer naive, thank you very much

So tell me what YOU think? Is the internet DEAD ON or what???

My favorite day of the year...

I absolutely LOVE Halloween. As long as I can remember I have dressed up and usually made my own costume. It helped that my mom was a seamstress. I think I missed my calling in life. I should have been on Broadway or something that I could dress up every day of the year. Of course that might get old quick. If I had the room and the money I would totally create a Trick-or-Treat haunted house. I enjoy the adrenaline rush of being scared and scaring others. Oh, I've had my share of lame costumes. Last year I dressed as a Voodoo Doll and no one got it. Note to self: Never again dress up as anything you have to explain. This year I'm kinda stumped. My kids are getting older now and want to do their own thing, so all my family costume ideas are out the window. I guess I'm on my own.

Save 2nd Base

I'm golfing in a scramble for my birthday Saturday. It's for charity. Breast cancer. The title of this post = the name of our team. I'm glad the OTHER players on our team are better than me. I'm planning on just drinking a lot of alcohol and enjoying the ride. :)

RENO TRIP

Trip to Reno was short but sweet. OK. Maybe not so sweet. I got to spend quality time with my mom, uncle and cousins which was the main reason for the trip. So I guess THAT was sweet.
I didn't win any money. I got about 4 hours of sleep the entire trip. (And not for fun reasons like drinking, gambling or partying). The hotel we stayed at was smack dab in the middle of downtown and had paper thin walls. On top of loud traffic and the hard-as-rock bed, a group of foreign tourists ended up our neighbors and room hopping ALL night slamming doors. When they finally did quiet down at 3am, the person next door got sick and I got to hear them puking their guts out for about 15 minutes. All and all it could have been worse. Could have definitely been better. I came home with an illness. I'm guessing from lack of sleep and inhaling too much 2nd hand smoke. I'm definitely getting too old for this shit!!!

RENO HERE I COME!

I'm off to Reno by myself for the weekend to visit my mom. and my uncles. and some cousins. I can't express my excitement. It's a short trip-I leave today and return Sunday. I can't wait to visit and see everyone. and gamble a bit. and drink a bit. and go shopping with my mom tomorrow. I haven't seen her in 2 years! I'm a bit nervous as I can't remember the last time I flew. Nothing a pre-flight drink at the airport bar can't eliminate. I'm sure I will post about the adventure when I get back. TTFN!

Confession.

I bought a kids meal at McDonald's today for lunch just for the toy. Lego Batman rules.

thirty six things

I got this idea from my friend Jess over at www.seehearspeaknoevil.com. She is one of the funniest women I know. Although I thanked her for not tagging me to do this..I decided to anyway because I thought it was kinda cool. Here are 36 things you probably did not know about me:
1) I have seven 1/2 brothers and sisters.
2) One of my brothers died of leukemia when I was 8 years old.
3) I was raised Catholic. I still remember my "Hail Mary" and "Our Father" prayers and sometimes when I'm feeling sad, I recite them in my head. They are comforting and make me feel better.
4) I have been to about 15 different churches in my life. I do not claim or practice any particular religion. This is not an invite to convert me, but thanks anyway.
5) I skateboarded as a child. I had a yellow banana board.
6) I got chicken pox when I was 21. It sucked.
7) The 1st boy I kissed was in 1st grade. His name was Billy Goforth.
8) The first girl I kissed was my best friend Cheryl in junior high. We were just curious.
9) I have faithfully been with the same man for half of my life now. 17 years of it married.
10) I have traveled to AZ, CA, CO, HI, ID, MT, NM, NV, OR, WA, WY
11) I have never traveled out of the country. Unless you count Tijuana, Mexico.
12) When I was younger I wanted to grow up, get married and have exactly 10 kids.
13) I hate licorice.
14) I was on the swim team in high school. My stroke was the butterfly.
15) I was also on the track team. I was a hurdler.
16) I was also in band. I played the clarinet.
17) I was also in honor choir. I sang 2nd soprano.
18) I received my California Cosmetology license in 1988 and have kept it current ever since.
19) I got my nose pierced in Venice Beach, California when I was about 20. I took it out 2 weeks later.
20) I started working when I was 16 years old. My first job was selling tickets out of the box office at the local cinema in my hometown of Visalia, Ca. It was haunted.
21) I have had over 100 jobs in my life. Maybe over 200. I stopped counting. No kidding.
22) I would love to own my own business. Like a salon just for kids named "Knuckleheads". Or a restaurant that caters to specialized diets like BFL, Atkins or South Beach.
23) I ride my bike or take the bus to work.
24) I may seem ditsy, but my actual tested IQ is 148.
25) I am hemaphobic. Not homophobic. That's my husband.
26) I am also ophiophobic. Google it. I had to to find the medical name for my phobia.
27) I have never broken a bone.
28) I have never had an operation.
29) I have never been to a theater version of Rocky Horror Picture show. Apparently
I missed out.
30) My parents divorced when I was 29. Just shy of their 30 year anniversary.
31) I have not seen my father in over 10 years. He has never met my son.
32) I would love to have another child.
33) I would love to be a journalist.
34) I love my kids more than anything in this world.
35) I have Native American heritage. On both sides.
36) I secretly like Monty Python and the Holy Grail. I don't even think my husband knows this about me. "It's just a flesh wound!"

Hurricane Season...

UPDATES

Kids: having a teenage daughter is driving me to drink. LITERALLY. and I'm talking the hard stuff.
Bowling: I bowled my butt off last Wednesday :) 176 / 159 / 163 Not too shabby for 2nd week!
Work: We are supposed to move to our new digs on the 29th. C'mon Quest! Get your shiz together already!
Diet: I'm still on the proverbial physical and emotional roller coaster
Birthday plans: I got my new bike as an early birthday gift, and a trip to see my mom coming up. I want to get inked while I'm in Reno. Is that weird? Maybe turning 40 won't be too bad after all...

Poll for ya...

SCENARIO: Bunko night once a month with 12 gals for 2 hours.
SITUATION: Gals texting constantly while playing. Not just once in a while (which wouldn't matter anyway) but CONSTANTLY
QUESTION: RUDE or NOT RUDE?
MY VOTE: RUDE.
WHY: Because: 1) What? You can't put your personal life aside for 2 hours a month and spend time with your friends?? b) It's inconsiderate to others and c) JUST PLAIN RUDE!

This is not a multiple choice question. I really want your input. But be careful. This is a no judge zone.

Bowling

So when I was young I used to bowl on a league. I was decent. I remember my average being in the 170's. I haven't bowled in quite a while, but kept my ball and bag "just in case" I ever got that wild hair again. Well. That day came. I'm officially on a Women's Wednesday night league.
Last week was the first week and all I can say is I broke 100 every game. Barely. BOY. Do I need practice! Need new shoes though. My feet somehow managed to get a lot fatter over 25 years!

WTFT?! PINK??

No. That isn't a typo. WTFT=What the French Toast. The rated G version of WTF.
My patience finally paid off! I bought a bike. Courtesy of Al's Sporting Goods Labor day sale.
It's a Trek. 21 speed. 16 more speeds than I need. Comfort/cruiser. Big butt seat. Upright riding. Pink. Pearly pink. No, I wasn't planning on buying a pink bike. But it was irresistibly cute!!! Very girly. I got a very girly helmet to go with it. With flowers. I'm sure I look like a TOTAL dork on it. But guess what? I don't care! It's so much fun. And effortless. And it was a good deal. I think. Retailed at $480 on sale for $295 plus tax. So if you see me riding around Cache Valley, please try not to run me over. And if you honk, I'll wave. If I'm not beefing it...

Farewell cleavage-the following may not be suitable reading for minors

Some of you have come to appreciate my tatas as much as I have. I'm not bragging. Getting old sucks and I have very few assets left to hang onto. I know they aren't Pamela Anderson great, but I can proudly say they are fairly perky and Au Natural.
See, growing up I was very athletic and some what of a late bloomer. Even when I finally did develop a chest, in like 11th grade, I was a B-cup until I got married and had kids. Then all of a sudden out of nowhere-BOOM! BLAM! There they were in all their D-cup glory. Some of you (other than my husband) have seen them first hand. Up close and personal. (Thanks to too many shots of Yager at a party with a hot tub. If I haven't apologized enough for that, I'M VERY SORRY). Unfortunately, I'm afraid it may be time to tell them good-bye. No. I'm not having breast reduction surgery or a double mastectomy. No offense to anyone who has. We women do what is necessary. They are being gradually reduced because I'm losing weight. Which by the way has been long overdue. And unfortunately, I lose from the top down. I'm doing my damnedest to make sure they don't go saggy. I will miss them. But I have to look at the big picture. Because I am sick and tired of looking at my big ass, big thighs and big waist any longer. FAREWELL CLEAVAGE! It's been a good run. Maybe if I save up enough money I'll get an "enhancement" later down the road. 'Til then... au revoir and adieu!

Get ready!

So I made this agreement with my daughter. Since I don't blog very often, she is going to "guest blog" for me once in a while. I think it will be a great way for her to express herself though her poetry and art. She actually created her own blog back in March or so, posted 3 times, and forgot about it. I was going to create her a side blog of sorts, but well, let's face it. That's just too much damn work and thinking for little ol' me.
Anyway, I don't know how long it will last since school is starting soon, but I'm trying my best to stay in touch with my teenager (I was so kindly reprimanded that she is no longer a tweeny bopper as previously posted), and this will be one of my many efforts to bond.
side note: I know sometimes I make it sound horrible having a teen-age girl, but I really do love her. I'm sure some of you can relate. Maybe not. Most of you probably just thank your lucky stars or that all powerful Being, or whoever that you were blessed with only boys. I flip my middle finger in your general direction.
But seriously. We get along most of the time. At least better than I did with my mom I think. She's pretty comfortable with me. We talk. We are there for each other. She's quirky, smart, beautiful, talented, unique and somewhat of a geek. A complete intertwining product of her parents. So get ready. And thanks for your loving support in this experiment.

Back to School

THANK GOD. I am SO sick of whining kids "bored with nothing to do". How lucky they are!
Year round school is starting to sound good to me. I think I'm old enough and I've earned the right to say this. Back in my day, our parents didn't entertain us. We didn't expect them to! We knew better than to whine about being bored, because if we did, we would be put to work. We didn't have video games, computers or The Internet, yet we found things to do. We had bikes, skateboards, balls, bats, swimming pools and neighborhood friends. We were gone from the time we woke up and had breakfast until it got dark and our parents were yelling or whistling for us to come home. Ironically, we weren't obese either. Coincidence? I think not. Our kids are spoiled. I'm guilty. I have half a mind to cancel cable TV, DSL and sell our gaming units. The other half of my mind remembers that there is not a lot to do in the winter here. I'm sure somehow we would survive. And probably be better off. So I'll get my cane now and get off my soapbox.

Summer Music

I was tagged by Jess, my BFF over at http://www.seehearspeaknoevil.com/ to do this. Most of my 2008 summer music came from TV instead of the radio, as I faithfully watch one of my all time favorite shows "So You Think You Can Dance" herein referred to as SYTYCD. The songs they pick for Hip Hop ROCK! So, if it was used on SYTYCD, I listed the Youtube video address...sorry I haven't figured out how to embed yet...here is my top 7

- "The Garden" by Mirah http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UnotKKgYUwE
I first heard this song on SYTYCD and it's currently my favorite. Maybe because the dancers made it SO frickin' hot.
- "I kissed a girl and I liked it" by Katey Perry
Because I have and I can relate. I was somewhat offended by this song when I first saw/heard it on late night with Jay Leno, but after listening to it a few times realized what a hypocrite I was being.
-"No Air" by Jordan Sparks/Chris Brown http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=01xxK7MnFgM
Or is it Ayer? I thought this song was lame until used on SYTYCD. Twitch is awesome, but Joshua won. Rightfully so. America got it right.
- "Bleeding Love" by Leona Lewis http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t0QbD_l1TlM
Again, didn't love the song until SYTYCD made an awesome visual for me. My 10 year old son would sing along in the car and always replace "Love" with "Blood". At least it rhymed. And to a ten year old boy, makes much more sense.
!WARNING! The following songs are catchy and WILL stick in your head for days. These are some of my faves just because they are fun to sing along with and gyrate to while driving. So if you see me cruising in my convertible looking like I'm having an epileptic fit, don't call 911 just yet. Listen for the loud music first. It's how I roll...
- "Shake it" by Metro Station
- "Damaged" by Danita Kane
- "American Boy" by Estelle featuring Kanye West
Honorable mentions:
- "In the Ayer" by Florida featuring will.i.am
Because damn rhymes with jam, and I never knew there were so many words that rhymed with Ayer
- "Corona & Lime" by Shwayze
I predict this song will be in the top 10 soon, and my new drink at The Owl on Wednesday nights

Songs I change the channel when they come on the radio:
-"Lollipop" by Lil' Wayne
-"Love in this Club" by Usher/Ersher
-"Take a Bow" by Rihanna

And I'm not tagging anyone because I don't know anyone else to tag.

Cache County Fair

Three words for you. Hot. Boring. Expensive.

DOH!

Many of you may already know about the Twilight series books by Stephanie Meyers. If you don't, well pull your head out of the friggin' sand already. Or wait. I'm sorry. Maybe you aren't as fortunate as I am to have a tweeny bopper, therefore making me "in the loop" of such literature out there. These books are pretty much Buffy the Vampire Slayer revisited in book form. Complete with vampires and werewolves. Except that Buffy/Bella is not a slayer, but a normal teenage girl trying to find her place in this world. She is somewhat of a damsel in distress who stumbles un-willingly across this whole other species doing their best to live amongst the normal folk. Even though the books are obviously geared towards tweeny bopper girls, I've read them. My husband has too. I'm planning to buy them and re-read them again. Only because I have to do something while I am impatiently waiting for my very own 13 year old tweeny bopper to finish the 4th book. If we ever get it. See, it was released last Friday at midnight, however, since we pre-ordered it from Amazon.com, we get to wait for it to be delivered whilst every one else has pretty much finished it. I'll never do that again. Sheez.

I survived

Saturday was brutal. See previous post. Sunday's venture to Lagoon was fun and relaxing, but wore me out. The weather turned out fairly nice and we spent most of the time at Lagoona beach coasting around on tubes in the water. We did a few rides with the kids, stopped off for dinner on the way home, and finally got home about 11:30pm. I hobbled to work yesterday and hung in there the best I could. I came home and crashed. Thanks to my loving and thoughtful husband who didn't bother me about making dinner, ordered pizza instead. I can barely walk today, my throat is killing me, and I'm dizzier than hell. I am worse off today than I was yesterday! WTF? Maybe it just took a couple days to catch up with me. Just wanted you all to know I'm alive. Barely.

Oh the pain!

Today we played in a co-ed softball tournament sponsored by my husband's work (NDT) for some charity. I had been dreading this event all week, as a) I haven't played softball since last fall, b) I'm fat and out of shape, and c) it was predicted to be over 100 degrees today. We were required to play a minimum of 2 games. I had resigned to this. I could suffer through 2 games. We would be done by 11am. Unfortunately, we won the first game which set us up to play two MORE games. Yay. We ended up losing the next two and playing in the hot sweltering sun until well after noon. I overheated. We went to lunch as a team. We then came home, turned on the AC and died. I woke up from my carb induced, exhausted body coma with a migraine. Tomorrow we are planned to go to Lagoon for the day. I'm excited cause I really want/need to see our friends whom we are meeting there. I'm not excited because we are spending a second hot weekend day in the sun. In the words of Danny Glover, "I'm getting too old for this shit Riggs".

Good friends are hard to find

Maybe this is proof that I have officially reached middle aged loserville, but Wednesday nights have literally changed my life. It's been a long time since I had something to look forward to on a regular basis, and I have to say Quizzo at the Owl is the best thing that has happened to me since dating. See, we all get into ruts. Marriage, work, kids, life. It consumes us. For me, the "mom" me took over for a long time. TOO long. I felt guilty if I was doing something without them. Now, I cherish my "date" nights with my husband, getting out and enjoying time with our friends, and maybe learning a factoid or two in the process. I just want to thank The Owl and Harry for making Quizzo night possible. Also, Invader Trent, Soffe, Bridge and Max for making it so great. And Max, I hope you know, I'm just messing with you man!!! It's how I roll. No, I'm not drunk. This week anyway. Go Hell's Satans!

busy little bee me

Saturday we bought a very nice used couch and love seat from some mansion owners in North East Logan. It's only 1.5 years old, and a very comfy over-stuffed, micro-fiber style. We also hauled off our old set to D.I. My ass hurts from moving furniture! I am SO out of shape.
It's not necessarily the color I would like (Aggie Blue), but we can make it work. It was cheap. $350. Now, I know what you are thinking, cause we thought the same. We could go to Palmer's and buy a BRAND NEW set for $600. We decided to forgo new furniture for 2 reasons: Kids and cats. What's the point? Our last set barely survived 3 years. Now I understand why my grandparents covered their furniture in plastic.
Sunday and today I painted the remainder of our living room and re-arranged some decor. My living room is now blues, browns and tans with black furniture. I absolutely love it. It's really starting to look homey. We've lived here over 2 years now and I'm JUST getting around to fixing things up. I still have a lot of little things to do, like paint my green furniture black, hang some curtains, find some throw rugs, etc. Man decorating is a lot of money and work! I keep telling myself it's worth it. I will be SO happy when we can get a new flat panel TV and get rid of the monstrosity 10 year old big screen T.V. I'll try to get some pictures posted soon to share.

YAY ME!

I started working when I was 15 years old. Since then I have probably had well over 100 jobs. I stopped counting about 15 years ago. Ask The Dave. He'll vouch. It used to be a thrill ride for me. I never worried about being unemployed because getting a job came so easily. TOO easy. Now I'm getting old and have responsibilities that no longer allow me the luxury to job hop.
Please understand. It's not because I don't like to work. I understand that work = money = spending. I like to shop. I like nice things. My motto is "Happiness is just a payday away".
My problem is I get bored easily. Once I learn the job and perfect it, I need more. I need challenge.
Back to my current sitch. I have been at my current job for over a year and a half now, which is pretty monumental for me. The company I work for is well established. We are growing fast. I make decent money. It's a laid back environment. I work with great people and have awesome benefits. Unfortunately, it is a fairly monotonous dead end job. Which is OK at this point in my life, because it pays the bills and allows us to live comfortably. So Monday they posted a new position within the company in the Purchasing department. On a whim Tuesday I applied. I know ABSOLUTELY NOTHING about purchasing. Yesterday I learned they chose me for the position. I'm giddy. I feel proud. I haven't felt that in a long time. They tell me there is a lot of growth opportunity. My new boss is an amazing woman. As much as I love my old boss, and feel badly for abandoning her, I know that this is a good move for me. So wish me luck!!!

HAPPY PIONEER DAY! WHAT???

I am drunk, so if this post makes no sense to you or offends, so be it. You have been warned!
Today at work I had the opportunity to attempt to explain to our out of state customers about Pioneer Day and why we are closed for it. See, when I told them we would be closed for Pioneer Day, of course their reaction was "Um, what's Pioneer Day?" but I could tell in their voices they were actually thinking "WTF?" I had a really hard time explaining it, since I am not Mormon nor celebrate this traditional state holiday. I mumbled something like: "It's a celebration of when the Mormon settlers came to Utah and either kicked out, converted or killed all the Indians and laid claim to the land." Maybe not those exact words, but I got a laugh out of it anyway. Tonight at the Owl after party, we were discussing this topic and Max (a good friend and pickle sharer) said "It's no different than other state holidays". WHAT? Is there other states that celebrate similar holidays? PAID time off other than the regular federal holidays? REALLY?? I don't mean to be ungrateful here, cause hell...like anyone else I'm not going to look a paid day off in the eye, but this makes no sense to me for many reasons. First of all, the company I work for deals mostly with out-of-state customers who would probably prefer us to be open on a mid-week day since they couldn't care less about our state holiday. Second, can you say "separation of state and religion?" Oh. And I don't get drunk often because I'm old and my body doesn't recuperate as well as it used to, but tonight I had good reason to celebrate. I got a promotion to another department at work today. I'm stoked. I get to learn something new! YAY ME! Passing out now...

BIGGEST LOSER UPDATE

Well, this week I didn't lose. But I didn't gain either. I can honestly say I didn't even really make an effort, so I'm pretty OK with the results. In 9 weeks I've only lost 7 pounds. *sigh* I need some motivation!

Dark Knight

The movie was awesome. As reviewed, Heath Ledger stole the show. I was saddened because his talent, as shown in this performance, would be the last to ever be shared with the world.
I have vowed from this day forward that we will NEVER go back to Stadium 8. The movie (as all new releases do) was playing in the surround sound theater which sucked ass. The film and sound was cutting out during the previews, then throughout the movie the sound was having minor issues. About 15 minutes before the end, it cut out completely so we missed some crucial dialog. This is NOT the first time we have experienced technical problems at this same theater. Is the owner of Westates punishing us heathens for going to his theater on a Sunday?? Needless to say I got our money back...but I felt it odd that the manager said "I'm so sorry-it just started doing this today", yet didn't bother NOT selling any more tickets to unsuspecting theater goers. Quality.

Winning the Lottery

Once or twice a month I make the trek up to La Tienda, Idaho to join many in their quest to become an instant millionaire. I justify this by knowing I'm contributing to the education system. My son and I make it kind of a "date". He usually goes with me, and we have deep meaningful talks along the way. As deep an meaningful as a 10 year old boy's conversation can get mind you. For those reading this not familiar with where we live, It's about 30 minutes each way depending on traffic. Today, my son thought we should work on using "The Secret" and decide what to do with our winnings. See, he understands the secret and uses it all the time. He KNOWS we are going to win, but what WILL we do with all that money???
I decided to post our thoughts in hopes that the universe is listening and we will attract it to be.
My son decided we need a bigger home and more toys. How could I argue that? We would of course pay off all our debt. We would donate 10% to charity. We have a mental list of people we would "gift" large sums to for always being there for us. We would set up our mom's for the remainders of their lives. We would invest in our futures...college, retirement, etc. Then, with whatever is left we would take a nice long vacation to somewhere tropical. Maybe visit relatives in Alaska, Germany, Spain. Dave and I both like our jobs so we are not certain we would quit working as tempting as that would be. I personally would love to hire a personal tutor for the kids and travel, but I'm sure that would get old after a while. I would however LOVE to open my own business. This is MY dream. So universe, if you are listening, MAKE IT HAPPEN! We are good people and deserve good things. We are not selfish, and would share our newfound wealth. PEACE!

BIGGEST LOSER

My work is hosting a "Biggest Loser" type contest. We are currently in week 8 of 12. I have so far been doing so-so. My weight loss journey started out slow, but I've been moving up the list slowly but surely. I was really hoping that I would get my fat ass motivated when there was money involved. Today I learned that the leading loser is down 28#'s. How can I possibly beat that?? Of course he has a lot more to lose than I do, but STILL! Oh well, keeping positive, at least I'm losing SOMETHING.

WANTED

So we went to see Wanted last night. If you liked The Matrix, you will like this movie. Personally, I thought is was just barely better than OK. It had a few great action scenes, some of which were in the commercials. I give it a 1 & 1/2 because it will probably lose a lot of it's intensity on the small screen. If you decide to go see it, I would not recommend Stadium 8 as it had a few sounds glitches in the middle of the movie. The movie was supposed to start at 9:20pm and at 9:30 I finally went and asked an employee to start the movie. Quality. See previous post.

Hancock

Latest movie rating by yours truly. I try to keep my posts short because I don't like to bore my (very few) readers, so I apologize ahead of time for this longer than usual one. When I "review" a movie, I do my best not to give away the plot, which is why the "review" part is pretty generic. I usually rate movies in 3 ways. 1) Good enough to pay for at the theater w/popcorn, candy, soda, the whole spiel 2) Wait for video/download, and 3) don't bother. This one was tough. I thought this movie was pretty entertaining. It was short-only 90 minutes long. Better than the reviews gave it, but it's not going to win any awards. I'm a big Will Smith fan though, so that might have a lot to do with my rating. I think it was matinée worthy just to see the effects on the big screen, but bring your own treats. Yea, I know that is frowned upon, but hey-too many movies out and not enough money to see them all. Plus, I used to work at Stadium 8 and can tell you the owner is making bank. Can you honestly say you see that money going BACK into the theaters upkeep and maintenance? Have you BEEN to the ladies bathroom lately?? And they only pay minimum wage.
Previous movie ratings are as follows: Kung Fu Panda & Wall-E get 1's. Indiana Jones/Crystal Skull gets a 2 mostly because it's a necessary addition to the collection. Iron Man gets a 2 just because my family liked it more than I did-otherwise it would get a 3. The Hulk I personally didn't go see, but again, husband and kids liked it, so it gets a 2. We will go see "Wanted" tonight or tomorrow. Maybe if I have sex with my husband before the movie he won't have to endure a major hard on for Angelina Jolie for 1 hour 48 minutes. Of course if I wait until after, it might be worth it :)
Get Smart & Love Guru will probably be seen this winter as a d/l when there is nothing else to watch. The only reason I want to see Love Guru is to see JT's character. I have mixed feelings about going to see "The Dark Knight". I'm still in mourning over losing Heath.

O.M.G.

We did it. We won. We finally won Quizzo. We beat the "Evil Empire". At least this week...

Wall-E

So most Sundays we go to the movies; a) because we are not mormon b) because it's usually less crowded and c) because today it was too damn hot to do anything outside. The only stipulation is we can't go if our chores are not done. (This is great incentive to get the kids to clean their rooms by the way). This Sunday we went and saw Wall-E. I give this movie a 4 & 1/2 out of 5 stars. It was very entertaining. I laughed, I cried, I cheered. Mostly I laughed. Pixar did it again. It's one of those movies that you will see something new you didn't notice before each and every time you watch it again. I think it was appropriate for most age groups. Except small children. My 10 year even suggested that no child under 5 should be allowed in the movies. I say kids under 5 should be charged at least double. They are usually bored 1/4 of the way into the movie, then disruptive to everyone else. Sorry to beat a dead horse here, but if your kids can't sit quietly through a movie you should leave them at home with a sitter. And if you decide to bring them and can't make them behave, then you should stay home too. It's inconsiderate to the other patrons. Get a clue people. Peace!

ODE TO JEFE

My dearest friend do not fret
because your job was lost...
I am certain you are much better off
without a butt for a boss.

You're smart and funny, you light up the room
your mannerisms oh so sweet...
Doors will open, opportunity will knock
and the world will be at your feet.

Ok, so I'm no Emily frickin' Dickenson.

SUMMER

Well, it's officially summer this Saturday...and our weather is starting to reflect such. FINALLY some top down weather!! Quizo was fun at the Owl last night-thanks Bridge, Max & Invader Trent. Had a great time! I hope we can do it every week! Prepare to lose one of these weeks Filthy Sex Pirates (or whatever your weird name is).

QUIZZO

So, last night I decided to stop being an introvert for a minute. We went out to dinner with some NDT clients then to The Owl for drinks and pool. I didn't drink OR play pool. However, I did get to play Quizzo with some friends that happen to be there, and had a great time. Thanks Invader Trent and Maxxy for letting us intrude on your game! Now, we are considering making this a Wednesday tradition. The only downfall is my horrible allergies to smoke. I'm suffering today from second hand smoke inhalation. I feel hung over without the benefits of drinking the night before. It sucks!!!

BUNKO!

Once a month I play Bunko with a bunch of other fun, rowdy gals. I usually REALLY look forward to this day each month. It's a fun atmosphere, and pretty much my only "girls night out". Tonight, I wasn't so rowdy. Or even social. I don't know what is wrong with me lately, but I haven't been my usual "social butterfly" self. I just want to sit home and veg out. Anyway, I managed to mis-calculate my score by 100 points. What a dork! I felt sheepish, cause I wasn't purposely cheating. I didn't even have a lot of "Bunko's" to justify the score, so WTF was I thinking? I swear I'm getting more and more stupid in my old age. Maybe I'm having a mid-life crisis. Fun.

KUNG FU PANDA

SOOOO, for my daughters 13th birthday I took the day off of work and spent the day with her. It was actually one of the best days I can remember having in a long time. We went shopping, to lunch, and shopping some more. We went to the mall, sat in one of those massager chairs, and got our pictures taken together in the photo booth. It was like hanging out with my best friend when I was a teenager. I had so much fun, I can't wait to do it again. THANK YOU NANA BISCUIT! Anyhoo...for her official "party", we were supposed to have her friends gather at the park this afternoon...but since the weather wasn't even close to what was predicted earlier this week...we went with plan "B" and saw Kung Fu Panda. Yes. 7 teen-age girls in one row. Sorry mister stick-up-my-ass that didn't get his favorite theater spot, but we were there uber earlier than you and I was determined to make sure we got great seats. I highly recommend this movie to any family, but PLEASE leave children under 5 at home, cause I guarantee they will get bored and agitate the other people who actually came to watch the movie. And PLEASE make sure your kids aren't kicking the seats of the people sitting in front of them. Otherwise, some NOT-SO-TOLERANT parent might smack your kids legs while your not looking.

My baby is a teenager!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I feel SOOOO old!
She has grown into a beautiful young lady. Thank you for being so wonderful Ariana! I hope you enjoy being a teenager, and I hope I can be there for you for anything you need! I LOVE YOU!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABY!

YAY!

Competitive Soccer is almost over. I'm sure my son would agree with my title of this post, since he is showing signs of soccer burnout. I'm just burned out on the long trips to Mendon, Garland, anywhere outside of Logan. I wouldn't mind half as much if the dumb-ass coach actually PLAYED my son more than 5-7 minutes per game. HIS son gets A LOT of playing time. HIS son kinda sucks. At least MY son has actually made a goal this year. He's contributed to the team. HIS son is lucky to know which direction they are aiming at that particular point in the game. Ok, so I'm bias. I'm a parent. And, I may end up arrested if this coach yells at my son one more time. I've been known to throw punches or slaps when I'm pushed to my anger limit. For the most part, I'm just happy it's almost over. For my son's sake, not my own :)

Indiana Jones & the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

I have always been a HUGE Indiana Jones fan. I love the 50's era. I'm also a HUGE fan of Shia Labeouf. Maybe I, like everyone else, got way too excited about the new movie. In my opinion, it was just OK. I wasn't on the edge of my seat. I didn't cry. I did chuckle a couple of times. It was kinda chaotic. Like they tried to cram too much action into 2 & 1/2 hours.
I am thankful we didn't have to pay to see it. I know it made millions at the box office over the holiday weekend, and I'm sure we will own it when it comes out on DVD-mostly to add to our I.J. collection. It just didn't blow up my skirt. Was I expecting too much??? What WAS I expecting? The kids loved it, so maybe that is all that matters...

GOLF

I golf. Well, I TRY to golf. I'm not horrible. But I'm not great either. I have a temper...because golfing tests my patience. I've been known to throw clubs. I acquired a set last summer from my boss and promised myself I would go more this year. I went 2 times last Fall and overheated one time which left me feeling like a huge out-of-shape loser. I used to play often before I got married. I actually hit a hole in one once too. TOTALLY beginners luck. I like most outdoor activities, but I'm still indifferent on the whole golfing thing. Maybe by the end of this season I'll change my mind. We'll see.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM!

My mom's birthday is the 10th of May. It kinda sucks for her that she almost shares her birthday with Mother's day each year. Good for me 'cause I only have to send 1 package to cover both events. Anyhoo...she will probably never see this post since she doesn't own a computer (yet), let alone have internet access. I'm pretty sure she doesn't even know what a Blog is. But I felt it was important to post since she's turning 75 this year. That makes me a giant "OOPS". Happy birthday mom! And Mother's day. I wish I could be there to spend both with you!

Things that DON'T suck

I apologize that my previous post was pretty harsh. Although I still hate being a woman most days...I do love being a mom, wife and pet owner. My job isn't the worst I've ever had. At least the weather is "top down" today and the birds were singing me awake this morning. I don't live in the jungle (even though my house looks like I do sometimes). I'm free. Except for taxes. That's a whole 'nother post... Anyway, those are the things that DON'T suck today. However, I wish more of my friends would visit my blog. I VISIT THEIRS REGULARLY. Just saying.

Things that suck

This is going to be an ongoing post. I try to be positive MOST of the time, but I feel the need to bitch today so here it is. Things that I think suck:
Being a woman: I don't care what the experts say. It's not wonderful. It's not magical. I'm NOT embracing it. Hormone fluctuations. Periods. Cramps. Childbirth & every day after that...
Boobs: I know many men will not agree with this, but having boobs sucks. This may not be an issue for skinny bitches. Unless they are surgically enhanced and many eventually regret that.
Bills: There is NEVER enough money from mid to end of the pay period.
Getting old: Managing weight gets harder. Hips growing Horizontally. Waking up with a different ache and pain each day. Wrinkles. Dark circles. Bags under the eyes.
Tweenagers: See previous post.
Pets: Love em. Hate em. Vet bills. Pee. Poop. Hair.
Housekeeping: It's NEVER done!
Weather in Utah: Unpredictable as hell.
More to come, I'm sure...

I TRY!

I have a tweenager. I know. You are in shock that I have kids that old considering I am so young and hip. Well, SURPRISE! She is a mini-me. Other than she is spoiled, extremely smart and has not many excuses for failing classes. She seems distracted for reasons I do not know. I want to help her and have offered numerous times, but she still can't seem to pull her head out of her butt long enough to hand in her assignments on time. She's been grounded from pretty much every privilege since mid-term now, and you would think that would help, but so far no luck. I'm at wits end. HELP!!!

Stimulus Rebates

So, any day now I should have $1800 extra dollars to do with as I please. I hate to disappoint Mr. Bush, but it's all going towards bills that have accumulated over the past 6 months or so. I feel badly that I will not be doing my part to actually HELP the economy. Trust me, I would love to go out and buy some much needed furniture, clothes, and household items, but it's all about priorities... and not having our home repossessed is kinda top priority right now. I'm curious how others will be spending their windfalls?

Dear Mother Nature...

What is up with snow in April??? Enough already!!!

Newest member of the zoo

This is our 6 month old Boston Terrier. He's papered. Recently neutered (which didn't faze him) because he kept humping his bear. We were going to breed him but decided it would be too much trouble in the long run. He's a pain in the ass most of the time. He's not yet potty trained and I'm starting to doubt he ever will be completely. It's funny how they get these unique personalities and mannerisms. These are his preferences in order; His white teddy bear because he sleeps with it, chews on it, and STILL humps it. Unconditional love at it's finest. He loves me because I spoiled him as a puppy. Dawson because he plays with him the most. Dave (not sure why). Ariana because she has food most of the time that he wants. The cats because they are something to harass when he has nothing else to do. We are pretty sure they hate him. He loves strangers. Especially our poor neighbors. He's kinda smart. He can sit on command, but still takes off out the door and into the street every chance he gets and doesn't respond to our calls. We have to chase him down which is no easy feat since he is very fast and maneuverable. We love him. Stupid fugly dog.

CAN'T WAIT!

I was just reading about how skinny models are going to be a thing of the past. I personally can not wait until rubenesque figures are back in fashion. I will be SO stylin'!!!

My dream job

I remember as a kid my dream job was being one of those characters walking around at amusement parks. Now that I'm older and wiser, I realize that would NOT be a fun job. Hot. Screaming kids. Crying kids. Probably minimum wage.
I am grateful for my ability to get a job easily. I'm not sure if this is a gift or a curse. I tend to get bored and restless easily once I learn my job. Most of the time I feel like I'm not being appreciated for my full potential. I like a challenge. I like to learn. I enjoyed the whole salon atmosphere, doing hair and nails, but unfortunately the income was not stable. I need stable income. I would love to be a Real Estate agent. I think I would be great. I like helping people. I like to talk. I am personable. Unfortunately, this is not a very stable profession either. I still feel like I haven't found the perfect job for me. Any suggestions?

YAY !

Finally some warm weather! Got to ride with the top down. Got to work in the yard. Got to hit some balls at the driving range. GOT TO GET TRASHED AT JEFF'S PARTY! What a fabulous weekend! I only wish it wasn't so damn short! Where's MY spring break damnit! *sigh*

My dearest Sluggo...

...I cannot express how I long for you. It's been a while seen we have spent any quality time together. It feels the time we do get to spend is usually cut short for one reason or another. You seem distracted. Is it that damn internet keeping you so preoccupied? Or drugs? I hope it's not another woman. I try my best to be attentive, but I get distracted too with everyday responsibilities. I hope you know you are the only one for me because I know no one else is as satisfying. Even though you can be hard-headed, I know I can soften you up given the right conditions. Please give me another chance to prove to you that we are made for each other. I miss you terribly!

With love and kisses,

Nancy



(For those of you unfamiliar, Nancy was a character from a 1922 comic strip Fritzi Ritz:

• Nancy, the titular and wily young lady who is constantly in the state of a daydream or confused plot.
• Sluggo, Nancy's best friend. Sluggo is Nancy's age and is a poor boy from the wrong side of the tracks. There are strips that appear to place Sluggo as Nancy's boyfriend. He is portrayed as lazy, and his favorite pastime seems to be napping.

My husband and I of course have always had our own version of Nancy and Sluggo. I wont go into detail, but I'm sure you get the gist.)

TOP DOWN WEATHER

I don't know about any one else living in the near vicinity, but I am SO looking forward to top down weather! The weatherman promised we would see more sunshine this weekend, and I promised myself that as soon as the temps hit 60 degrees, I would be sunnin' in my convertible! Now if I can just find somebody willing go with me for a long drive...

Sweeney Todd review

I'm a big fan of Johnny Depp. I watched this musical by myself, since my husband "doesn't do musicals" and we knew it would be too gruesome for the kids. Needless to say, it was too gruesome for me too! Johnny did a fine job singing, but for the most part, I was bored. I had to cover my eyes at the gory parts which was a lot of the movie, and with the accents it was hard to understand their words in the songs. I rate it a 5 & 1/2 out of 10. Glad I didn't pay to see it.

To my best friend

It's hard to believe I have known you half my life. You have been there for me through so many jobs, pounds, hair colors & styles. You are my rock. My biggest laugh. My greatest inspiration. The love of my life. My reason for living. The father to my most cherished gifts. My Dymond in the rough. Thank you for 17 roller coaster years. For better or worse, I hope the next 17+ are as memorable. I can never thank you enough for all that you do, nor show you how much you are truly appreciated. I love you.
Wherever you go
Whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you
Whatever it takes
Or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you

Stormy

Another one of my "favorite things". Doesn't she have the sweetest little face? The one picture is Ewok and Stormy bird watching out the window together. They weren't the best of friends then, but having a common enemy has brought them closer together. Thank you Tank!.

Ode to my friends...

I have very few friends. Maybe because I try too hard. Probably because I'm an obnoxious drunk. I think I'm fun and that's all that matters, right? This is an "Ode to" the few true friends I do have...I hope you know who you are, 'cause I'm with holding names to protect the innocent.
To my best friend: Thank you for putting up with me. I'll have a special April post for you.
To my kids: I love your guts and can't remember what my life was like before you brought sunshine into it. Oh yea. I remember vaguely having money...
To my talented friend: We don't spend nearly as much time together as I would like. Prepare to have me show up on your doorstop with beer for an all night bitch session. And thanks for getting my blog noticed.
To my smart friend(second most intelligent person I know next to my husband of course): YOU may not think you are smart, but I do. I admire you from afar.
To my nurse friend: Please don't leave. He's not worth it, whoever he is.
To my one gay friend (that I know of): I accept you for the wonderful person that you are and know that one day you will find your soul-mate. Don't give up hope!
To my sugar mama friend: I wish you, me and nurse friend were still neighbors. Good times. I MISS YOU!
To my goofy friend(s): Thanks for keeping our regular luncheons going. I love our girl time.
To my long distant friends: We need to see each other more than once a year. But you know this already. Let's make time for each other. If not for us, for the kids.
Thank you all for putting up with and for being there for me. I hope I can be a better friend to you in the years to come!
Forever your friend...Nan

HAPPY FRIDAY!

I hope the weather is nice this weekend and I hope all you readers out there enjoy it!

April fools on me!

So I was taking my daily post work siesta upstairs in my room when I hear this loud crash. I look out the window thinking it was a car accident. My kids come running upstairs in a panic. "MOM! There's a HUGE hole in our window! Someone broke our window!" Theres a knock on the door. I'm frantically trying to throw on some pants. Dog barking, kids yelling, chaos. Someone now starts pounding on the front door. I run downstairs and answer the door. The cutest little boy is standing there and says to me, "Um, I'm not sure if it's your house or not, but I think I broke your window with my golf ball". I said "Yes, I think so too." He says "I'm really sorry. I was practicing hitting balls in the park(which is right behind our home)." I was in shock. If that were my kids, I'm sure they would be running and hiding. Maybe not. I'll go ahead and give them the benefit of the doubt. Anyway, I look past him to see if there are any of his parents around making him apologize and own up to what he did. Nobody. I tell him, "I appreciate your honesty, that is very brave of you to come tell me. I'll need to get your information because I'll have to call your parents to pay for the broken window". His face turns white. I was shocked once again, that he actually knew his address and phone number and I got his parents names. I told him thank you and started to close the door when he says "Um, I think my ball is still in your back yard." It then dawns on me what he was originally after. I told him I would give it to his mom or dad after I talk to them. I'm pretty sure he cried all the way home. Needless to say, the parents are really cool. The dad came over shortly after I called them to assess the damages. I'm sure my window will get fixed in a timely manner. Luckily it's double paned and only the outside is broken. This is NO April fools. Unfortunately.

EWOK the terrible

I decided to post pics of a few of my favorite things. I started with Ewok because he is the oldest of our pets, about 5 human years. Yes, we are Star Wars fans. Yes, he is as ornery as he looks (not so much like the cute cuddly Ewoks in the movies he is named after). Yes, he's REALLY terrible. He has a new enemy in town. Tank. He's even ganged up with our other cat against him. We love you Ewok! Even if all we are to you is food, shelter and an occasional petting when you are in the mood.

Googlin' fool

Anyone who knows me, knows I'm a Googlin' fool. So, in honor of today's unofficial holiday, I of course Googled anything that had to do with Tomfoolery:

Pronunciation: \ˌtäm-ˈfül-rē, -ˈfü-lə-\

Function: noun (shouldn't this be verb based on the definition below??)

Date: 1812

tom·fool·ery : playful or foolish behavior

Here are some funny things I found. I'm always glad to help out my chronically bored friends...
http://www.museumofhoaxes.com/hoax/aprilfool/
http://www.lolcats.com/
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LpGZWsCapX4
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o_mD13SlisM

More evidence...

...that the secret is working! We won the Lottery! Ok, ok, not a lot...like $20, but STILL! Better than NOTHING, right?! hehe

Blue is blue

So as I'm painting my living room wall "Acupulco Sky" blue, which I matched to a throw pillow I found and love with browns and blues, when it dawns on me that this is kinda close to the "country blue" from the 80's. *sigh* Oh well, at least it brightens the room up and it's no longer doctor's office white. It soothing. Makes me want to sing... "I'm blue, da da dee da da da da da de da da...."

BUSY BUSY BUSY

TGIF! I have a lot planned this weekend. Tonight I'm taxiing kids and have a girls night out planned with some friends. I finally bought paint for the living room. I may stay up all night painting. That way I don't have the kids or dog in my way, and it may be the only time I have to get it done! My daughter said something yesterday about our house finally looking like we are staying. Of course they don't realize these things take time and money and energy, All of which I never seem have any of. *sigh* Both Kids have play dates/parties tomorrow and we are going "down under" to visit some long distance friends on Sunday. So I may not be blogging until next week! Of course I will have a lot to blog about! Not that anyone is listening...

The Secret works DAMNIT!

Car was fixed for free AND my EKG was spotless! The Secret is working! I'm off to buy some lottery tickets!! WOOOHOO!

HEART ATTACK UPDATE

I think it was just indigestion or heartburn. Are they different?? BUT, to be sure, I'm seeing a doctor. Better safe than sorry. More to come...

THINKING POSITIVE THOUGHTS...

Using "The Secret" is tricky business. In case you haven't heard of it, the theory is that every thought generates a magnetic frequency to the universe which bounces back that same frequency. Thoughts become things, like equals like, you get the gist. So yesterday my car starts acting funny not wanting to start. I do my best not to not panic. Can't go sending out negative waves to the universe now can I?? It's just the battery I tell myself. Try again. No go. I get out and check the trunk for jumper cables. No jumper cables. Must have thrown them in as a consolation prize when we sold our OTHER car. Try a third time. Success! I sigh relief as I was in the Albertson's parking lot on a quick errand with no cell phone, and basically no one to call anyway to bail me out since it is 7:30 P.M. on EASTER SUNDAY. I make it safely home to tell my husband that something is wrong with the car. How do you positively say and/or think that?? We decide to not ignore this and take it in to the mechanic today. Needless to say they are still working on it and we are temporarily sans car. I am sending positive thoughts to the universe that this will not break my bank account. Car fixed=FREE. Car fixed=FREE. Say it with me now. Also, I am thankful for living in a city with a reliable, FREE public transportation system. Keep thinking positive thoughts....

OBVIOUSLY...

I'm not dead from a heart attack. However whatever it was scared me. Enough to start taking better care of myself? We will see. Baby steps. I have been somewhat productive today. 1) Went tanning. Ok, don't judge me here. It's good for my mood and my problematic skin-plus my sister once told me that tanned fat is always better than white fat. 2) Played fetch with my dog Tank-yes he is living up to his name. 12-15 pounds full grown my ass Mr. breeder! He's 15 pounds now and only 5 months old! And we are pretty sure he was the runt!!! 3) Best thing I did today was clean out our one and only (for the time being) car. I usually don't let it get this bad. I've been lazy, and waiting for the weather to be somewhat decent. Today was the day. I cleaned out 3 grocery bags of crap. I try not to be a nag. I know I've asked (hopefully nicely) for the family to try and help me out to take better care of it. Why can't we all do our part? Does anyone else have this problem? *sigh* Obviously I'm the only one that cares about it.

PARANOIA

So today I come back to work from lunch and am experiencing major heartburn. Or at least I think it's heartburn. My mind reels. Maybe it's NOT heartburn. No, I'm just being paranoid. Thing is, I'm NOT in the best of shape. I've been neglecting my body for years now, and I'm pushing 40. I eat like crap. Chest hurts. Head spins when I stand. Google "heart attack". I have some of the listed symptoms. Should I go to the ER? No, I'm just being paranoid. I take 2 aspirin(just in case), leave 15 minutes early-which I'm sure I'll hear about Monday, but hey! It was slow anyway and besides..I'M HAVING A FREAKIN' HEART ATTACK! I go home and take a heartburn medicine and lay down. If I don't wake up, I'll know it was a heart attack. Or I guess I wont know. whatever. I wake up 3 hours later and feel somewhat better. Having some minor pain now. No, I'm just being paranoid...I'm sure that's all it is...paranoia.